Lately I’ve been seeing white dudes everywhere rocking Sperry’s. Why is this happening? Is this man’s revenge on women for decided mom jeans were cool? OK, let me break it down, white people: your hipster movement sucks. Out uglying each other is getting us nowhere. Being “hip” means being cool, and being cool means not being ugly, ever. So quit it. If you want to put some prep in your step, do it a little more “I’m in my 20′s” than “I’m in my 50′s” (even if you, my beloved reader, are in your 50′s). These are the Converse Sea Star S II ox. Please buy them and make my hot dude dreams come true (but for the love of christ, buy them in black.) Also, stop wearing dirty shorts. This new dirty short look is making me hate you and NEVER want you undressed in my presence.